I have had a cold or some sort of bug for over a week now.

I mention this not as a ploy for sympathy, but as an intro into our theme for today�Sickbed Etiquette.

Today�s lesson will be focused upon how one should behave when presented with a sickly friend.

1. Be sympathetic and express your concern. Do not, like my girl Larry is wont to do, carry on and on about how horrible the sick person sounds.

2. If you happen to speak to the sick person the next day and they do not seem to have made any improvement, do not question their intelligence and inquire as to whether they are taking medication.

3. Do not deliver a dissertation on the minimum daily allowances of various vitamins, including sources and bibliography.

4. It is never acceptable to exclaim, �My God! You sound worse than you did yesterday. I�m not trying to depress you or anything but I don�t think you are getting any better! Have you seen a doctor?�

If you are the sick person, try and come up with some more original responses than �Shut up� or �Leave me alone,� something more likely to induce guilty feelings in the person who is well.

If you come up with any stellar examples of these, please email them to me immediately as I�m sure another call from a �concerned friend� is mere moments away.

Sa-land

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