I thought I should explain my coworkers suck entry.

There is a woman who sits across from me at work and is on my last freakin� nerve. She is right up there in The Trucker�s Daughter�s league.

She�s been annoying for years but up until recently, I was able to tolerate her. She recently changed positions at work and has joined a team with offsite management. When she was attached to a team that is associated with mine and her manager was in the building, she had to behave a bit. Now, however, all bets are off.

She resembles nothing so much as Olive Oyl . Her hair is not as smooth though. She has big wavy hair. Until probably six months ago, Olive Oyl or OO as I�ll call her, came into work wearing knit pants and baggy tshirts. She kept some raggedy slippers under her desk that she would wear in the office. Her boss accused her of wearing her pajamas to work. Her hair was wild and unkempt. At that time her entire focus in life was her children, church and work.

Despite spending a considerable amount of time in church and church-related activities, she was and still is an extremely petty and jealous person. She has been the subject of more than one complaint to HR. She is also a Girl Scout leader, which is great during cookie season but the rest of the year I could give a crap, you know?

At some point about six months ago, I don�t know what caused this change but we at first viewed it as a miracle the likes of those that occur at Lourdes when the slippers disappeared, she started wearing clothes that no longer closely resembled PJs and began to fix her hair. I can only guess that she is one of those people who must do things to extremes because soon enough she started wearing revealing clothes and talking about her �friends� she had met online or at the bar.

She talks extremely loudly. Why do all of the annoying people have to speak as though everyone around them is deaf? I suspect they know they are annoying and get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of their performances.

So we�ve established she�s annoying. Recently our team moved and as a result of that move and the fact that she is no longer attached to our team, she was supposedly going to be moving across the office. Far, far, far away as it were. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that this had somehow been circumvented and she was now sitting across the aisle from me (again). Mere words cannot describe my additional disgust upon discovering that now that there was no higher authority over her in the office, all sense of decorum was unceremoniously tossed out the window.

She plays her radio out loud.

Mariah Carey.

Wailing like a rabid cat in a bear trap.

Gitchy Gitchy Ya Ya Ya Ya

Boca chocolata barfa

Sometimes she tries to act like she cares that she�s bothering me with her blasted radio by asking me if it�s ok. Then if later I tell her it�s kind of loud she is all argumentative and says it�s not any louder than it was before and then she turns it down a microdecibel and says, �Is that better?� So rather than mess with that crap, I usually just put on the iPod.

In addition to her loud radio, that she doesn�t even turn off when she is on the phone and that droning fan of hers that blows right on me, she has loud conversations with her �friend� full of sexual innuendo (candles, candle holders) and sometimes graphically disgusting although I suspect she thinks she is being discreet. An example: She went to the doctor. She comes back and is on the phone with the man and tells him that they will discuss it later. She says they will talk about it later several times. Then she says that she knew right after they did that there was an issue. �Oh, we can still do that. We just can�t go from there to there.� It doesn�t take a genius to figure out that they�re talking about anal sex! And that was just a picture that I didn�t need. I don�t begrudge anyone their freak, I just don�t want to hear about it especially while I�m trying to work.

One day last week she had a man sitting at her desk who was observing her and she was ostensibly on her best behavior. She told her men not to call her at work and she had saved stuff to show the guy. Stupid Sa figured that this meant a break for her. Wrong! The man was sitting at her desk when I got there. OO was talking to him about whatever it is she does loudly enough to be heard by lifeforms in other galaxies. She also had on the radio. So much for professional demeanor. I put on the iPod and get busy with my work. The man leaves to get coffee or pee or something and then when he gets back she sends me an instant message asking if her music is too loud. He�s sitting there at her desk. I�m sure he can see what she is typing. I don�t know what her game is, maybe she wants him to think she is considerate of others despite the ample evidence to the contrary but I am not playing. I type �No comment� She says, it�s not any louder than normal. I decide no sense in bottling it all up inside and say �I am wearing my headphones so that I can hear myself think� She protests that her music is not that loud. I say that she is talking rather loudly. She says that it is no louder than when my boss and I are talking. I say very professional. She says something and I say I�m trying to work here. She says whatever and accuses me of being in a bad mood. All of this with the guy who is assessing her job performance sitting at her desk reading along.

What floors me is that she thinks I like her. One day someone came by and said that they missed the report girl.

OO: Do you think anyone will miss us when we�re gone?

Sa: I know they�ll miss me.

I don�t even look up when she comes to my desk to talk to me. I never make eye contact. The other day when she turned her radio on, I decided there was no reason why I should be the one wearing the headphones so I resorted to a little Bluegrass Treachery � and played some fiddle and mandolin-laced tunes out loud and at about the same volume but she STILL didn�t take the hint so I wrote my supervisor an email asking her to ask the facilities manager to move the bitch.

Sa-land

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