Today in Sa-land we return to themes and our theme today is birthdays and boys!

This topic was spurred not only by the upcoming anniversary of my birth, but also by the recent jilting of my girl, Ms. M. In an effort to bring some commiserative good cheer her way, I offer up my own hellish tale of woe.

One year. Okay. It was last year, but it seems longer ago now. Anyway, I was friends with this guy. We were pretty good friends, I thought. It seemed as though it could transcend the �good friends� mode and perhaps become something more. He lived and still does live in another city and we communicated primarily via email. For his birthday the previous month, I had made him a collage out of some of my black and white photos. In the composition, I used some photos that included elements that were reminiscent of him. I worked on it after work for about a week. I bought a frame and put the collage in it and mailed it to him. He seemed genuinely touched and really, really liked the gift or so he said.

Fast-forward a month and a half to Sa�s birthday.

I don�t think my expectations were absurdly high. I didn�t expect an expensive gift, in fact, I didn�t expect a gift at all because I didn�t think he knew the exact date of my birthday. So here we are on the morning of my birthday and I�m getting ready for a day out at the museum with my best friend. There was a Frida Kahlo exhibit in town and y�all know I�m just ga-ga for Frida! After the museum, we were going to my favorite transgender-owned Mexican restaurant! Birthday fun Sa-style!

I turned on my computer and connected to the internet to check my email before I left the house and noticed that I had received an egreeting from him. I opened the email and clicked on the link. It was from a lesser-known egreeting company but I didn�t think too much about it. While I�m waiting for the greeting to load, I�m thinking about how sweet it was for him remember (learn?) my birthday and spend time picking out a card for me. I�m wondering what kind of card it will be. Funny? Sweet? What will he write?

Oh, that I could go back there now.

It opened up innocuously enough with a sappy little angel and children�s jewelry box music. See the ballerina spinning? The artwork was ham-handed and cloyingly sweet in a coloring book sort of style. On the hem of the angel�s dress the words, �Click to make a wish� appeared. Okay. This is dorky but I�ll play along. I clicked. The angel gradually turned into a witch sitting on a broom over a graveyard, alternately meowing and growling. Then the words, �It was a birthday wish, not a witch. Happy Birthday� appeared. If the card itself wasn�t bad enough, he had written the following heart-felt greeting,

�Hope that you have a great Birthday! I�ll drink one down here for you and toast you a happy year to come.�

It was without doubt the worst thing I had ever seen. It was creepy. And that message, what was that about?

Okay, I admit to being slightly sensitive to the inevitable comparisons made between myself and certain worshipers of Wicca, all because my birthday is conveniently located one week before Halloween. I�m not saying that the comparisons are exactly groundless. That having been said, I still think the card was awful. It wasn�t funny. It was creepy. Everyone said so. Go here if you don�t believe me and see for yourself.

So to make a long story short, he didn�t even remember the card he sent me. Rather endearing quality, don�t you think? I forwarded him a copy. He made some lame-ass excuse about never being able to match the originality or thoughtfulness of the gift I sent him. Well, duh! It�s not like that makes up for this half-hearted, make that quarter-hearted, no, make that one-eighth-hearted gesture.

Needless to say, this person is no longer even on the periphery of my life.

See, M, it could be worse! At least you didn't have the dreaded birthday/boy combo!

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